No one cares about anyone over 40

My daughter used to ask me to read books that she liked.  She never disappointed me with her recommendations.  Eventually I talked her into reading one of my favorite books, Outlander, which just happens to be a series.  She had finished the first book in time for the television series’ debut.  (It is always a mistake to watch a TV show or movie with one of us when we’ve read the book!)  I had just finished the eighth book in the series and was encouraging her to keep reading them.

“Eighth book!” She exclaimed.  “How old are the characters in that book?”

I replied that they were in their 50’s.

“Oh Mom,” she said, “nobody cares about anyone over 40!”

My husband and I both jumped on this comment.  She tried to backtrack.  She tried to tell us that she meant in books and movies.  We have never let her forget that remark.

When we’re 18, 22, 25 we think we are immortal.  Then we have our first child and we start to hope we are immortal.  The idea of not being here to see our child grow or to be raised by someone else is too horrible to consider so we hang on to the idea a while longer.  Then our nest empties and mortality begins to feel more evident.  We’ve accomplished so many of the major milestones what is left?  But wait there is so much I want to do now!  And I have reached a place where I have the money to do a lot of it.  Maybe in a few years I’ll have some time to do it.

I was over forty when she made that remark.  Now that I have crossed over 50 I am starting to think she may be right.  I’ll admit that I still have enough to contribute to be relevant.  I just feel like those under forty don’t really want to know what that might be.

I find myself starting to ponder my life.  I smile as I realize my life has been worthwhile.  I believe if I have done nothing else well bringing my daughters into this world was my greatest gift to humanity.  I like to believe I’ve made a difference in other people’s lives.  I know I have thank you notes from clients, some former staff, and even students who have come through my business saying I have.  I hope I have touched people positively and that I will continue to.

I am inspired when I read stories about 90 year olds climbing mountains or accomplishing some other great physical feat.  I aspire to be like them.  I want to help young women protect themselves from violence.  I want to send shoes to needy people in Belize.  But I am starting to feel like many in our society feel someone my age may not have relevance.

I find when I go to the doctor now I am told you’re healthy for a woman your age.  If I thought I was healthy enough I wouldn’t be in your office right now trying to get help!  I feel that I must push a little more now to get taken care of.

I was taken aback when I read a newspaper article recently about an elderly man who ran off an attacker.  The column talked about a 77 year old woman who was concerned that someone was on her property.  So she called an elderly (67 year old) neighbor to check things out.  He successfully ran off the must younger intruder.  Wait a minute!  When did 67 become elderly?  That’s only two years past official retirement age.  I don’t want to be elderly at 67!

I think I understand now why I am personally feeling my mortality more closely than before.  I started my life with a plan.  Some of my earliest memories of planning involved simply finishing a grade in elementary school.  But it wasn’t long until a plan for my life started to form.  I would finish school, go to college, become a veterinarian, start a career, get married, have children.  Life would be grand.  And I have accomplished all of those things.  Maybe not in exactly the manor I had expected to but they happened and in the time and way that God had ordained for me.  Sometimes I needed little reminders that He was still in control.

By the time you hit 40 you’ve probably accomplished all of those big goals.  But what comes next?  Grandparenting, retirement?  I will say I am looking forward to becoming a grandparent but I’m not ready for that.  And here is a reality to that as well.  That part of life is being controlled by your children.  So you can plan for it but you can’t really help it happen.

I was raised to never retire.  My father was born in 1914 so times were different when he was young.  He had observed many men who had retired over the years and he came to the conclusion that once they retired they sat around together and waited to die.  My father worked as long as he physically could.  He did cut back but it doesn’t seem like he was with us long enough after he shut down his company.

I have mixed feelings on retirement.  Right now it hangs over me as a next step that will say I am old.  I am nowhere near retirement but it is closer to my future than my college graduation is to my past.  On the other hand I like the idea of retirement – sooner rather than later.  Of course it wouldn’t really be retirement; it would be starting a new career.  I do believe my dad was right about continuing to work.  If you disengage and stop using your mind what is left?  So the question really becomes is it time to start making a plan for an active retirement so I have a goal to work toward?  Maybe.  Right now I am so immersed in changes and improvements to my business that I can’t really think about that eventual future.   But I know 15 years will fly by so why not start to plan like I did for college?

So here I am, over 40, realizing my daughter may be right about society.  I have so much more to offer than I did before I was 40.  I think society needs to do a better job of preparing us to continue goal setting in ways that don’t just involve having enough finances for retirement.  I’m starting my planning now. I think there are still lots of major life goals waiting for me. Watch out, you may be jealous when you see how much I accomplish and you may start to look forward to being over 40.  After all if we believe all those birthday cards 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40…..and interesting movie characters may be changing!