Empty Nest

So it’s time for the next chapter in my life.  I’ll be honest – I don’t like change.  But life is about change.  And this is a change I spent the last 21 years working towards.  I’m about to be an empty nester!

From the time I was a little girl I had one true dream in life – to be a mother.  At one time I considered changing my career goals because I knew my primary goal in life was to be a mother, not a career woman.  Fortunately I continued on my career path.  However all of my career choices have revolved around still allowing my family to come first.  When I got married I had a plan like so many women do – get married, have some time together, learn my career, and become a mother within two to three years of that.  I followed the plan however my body did not.  I was not a woman who would find it easy to get pregnant.  I looked into adoption.  I didn’t care how I became a mother, I just knew I would.   After fertility treatments and one miscarriage, God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl.  I was thrilled.

Being an only child it was very important to me to have at least two children.  Gifting my eldest with a sibling seemed like the best thing I would ever do for her.  So I again developed a plan of how far apart the children should be age wise based on my observations of other families.  I also decided that I was going to conquer the fertility issues and prove I could produce a baby without medical help.  I did in fact get pregnant, sooner than planned but I was excited that I had mastered this reproduction thing.   Just as I was starting to feel safe to tell people our happy news, I lost that baby.  So once I healed from the physical and emotional ordeal it was back to the doctor for help.  And once again I was blessed with another beautiful baby girl almost two and a half years after the first one.  For me this was my dream!  I would have loved to have had a younger sister!

As an only child I didn’t really have a concept of the roles of multiple children in a home.  Before my second baby came I believed that being the oldest was the best.  After all you had Mom all to yourself until this sibling entered your life.  As my daughters grew and my oldest started to attend preschool and school I started to realize that being the youngest really is best.  Now she had me all to herself all the time that her sister was away.  I cried when my first child went to kindergarten.  But I came home to a younger child that needed nurturing.  When my youngest went to kindergarten I was lost.  I told her at one time that I didn’t know what I would do when she went off to school.  She was my little helper always there to unload the car or whatever I needed.  I would be on my own. And while there is trepidation for the parent with the child who is first to do something – kindergarten, first loose tooth, high school, driving – there is an added emotion when the last one does it – fear of the finality.

When my baby went off to school I quickly realized that was my last first day of school ever.  When my eldest drove herself to school I was sad as I realized she had reached one more stage of independence and would no longer need me to ever drive her again.  When the baby did it I realized that was truly my last time to drive any of my children to school ever again.  That role was forever gone from me and I was that much closer to two completely independent children whose needs from me would be lessening.

Now don’t get me wrong.  My goal from the beginning has been to raise two strong independent women who would grow up and move on to create their own amazing lives.  It’s just no matter how much you think you are prepared for how quickly the time flies by – you aren’t.  I don’t think you can ever be.  It literally happens in a blink.  And just recently I realized what is happening to me.

I am so excited for my daughter.  She is about to embark on an amazing journey.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say a little piece of me is jealous.  What I wouldn’t give to go back and do it again!  But I had my time and I can’t wait to see what she does with hers.  I also know there will never be a time that my daughters will not need me in some way.  And they know I will always be here for them.  I have loved every stage of their lives better than the one before.  Before I had children I thought I would love the baby stage the best.  I learned quickly that whatever stage is current is my favorite.  I can’t wait for my oldest to turn 21 in a couple of weeks so we can finally share a glass of wine when we are at a restaurant.

My youngest has shared her anxieties and fears with me.  What if I don’t make friends?  What if chemistry is too hard?  So many new things are coming her way.  And then it hit me.  I am feeling some of the same fears.  What if I don’t make friends?  What if I don’t find a new hobby or way to spend my time?  What if my husband and I don’t reconnect the way we hope to?

People laugh when I tell them I don’t know what I’m going to do when my daughter moves out. I’m a successful business woman with a large thriving business so why do I believe I might not have anything to fill my time? I think because in my vision of me I am mom first.  This will always be true but this new transition of starting to put me first is going to take some time.

I’ve already told my older daughter she must come to see me often to fill the void because her sister filled the void when she moved.  Of course we all know it won’t be the same.  Neither child will be living at home again and reliant on mom to that degree again. (Don’t give me the statistics.  I raised strong independent women and living with mom until age 45 is not an option!)  But maybe, just maybe having her nearby will help ease me into this new role.  I’ve been assured by other empty nesters that it will be great and sooner rather than later.

So here is to the next chapter in life.  I have raised two beautiful, amazing women who I could not be more proud of.  Now I am ready to see what their mom will become in this new adventure!