Election Day Chaos

Today we will learn the fate of our country.  I pray we make the right choice even though I’m not sure we have been given a “right” choice to choose from.

I struggled so much with what to do.  One thing I never wavered on though was my need to vote.  Did I want to vote? No.  But did I recognize the need to?  Absolutely.  I respect the lives that have been sacrificed to give me this freedom and even more so as a woman the sacrifices that were made to allow me the right to vote so no matter how bitter a task it was to do this year I knew I would do it.  But I kept asking myself could I live with myself after casting a vote for one of these candidates?

I am so tired of not having a presidential candidate to vote FOR.   I can’t remember the last presidential race that I was actually voting for a candidate and not just against someone.  It makes me so sad that this is my daughter’s first opportunity to vote in a presidential election.  I still remember who I cast my first presidential vote for.  To this day I am still proud of that vote.  I’m afraid if (and I hope she does) my daughter votes today her memory will be of the taste of bile in her mouth.

So I struggled.  I considered voting for Gary Johnson.  I knew that would be throwing my vote away but I thought I could feel better about my choice.  The more I looked at him though I had no faith I would support his ideals and his lack of foreign policy knowledge scared me.  Then there was the fact that he didn’t seem to try hard enough to be seen.  I mean come on – almost anybody could have mounted a campaign to defeat either of our two main candidates and won!  So what was there left for me to do.

I finally opted to do something else I try to avoid.  I decided to vote a straight party ticket.  I rationalized that I was voting for a platform. My fear is that the candidate that scares me more will get a congress of the same party so if I went straight party maybe I could at least win the house and senate!  More importantly by voting straight party I did not physically have to put a check next to the presidential candidate’s name.  It seemed like it would absolve me of some guilt for voting for either of these options.  So yes, that is what I did.  And yes I checked my ballot before I hit submit.

I don’t know if it was the vitamins I took before I went to vote or the actual process of voting but I found myself quite nauseous while standing in front of the ballot box and holding my stomach.  As I walked out the door I felt tears coming to my eyes.  When I reached my car I found myself fighting not to break into sobs.  This isn’t how someone should feel after voting in the greatest country on earth! I have never had such an emotional response to a vote.  I can only explain it by the fact that I know no matter who wins tonight our country is torn and hurt and I am not sure either victor will be capable of healing our land.

I believe all we can do now is to pray.  Pray and hope our nation can turn back to God and that God will help us through this.  I have never been afraid to have a political conversation with someone until now.  The hatred when people disagree in this election is the worst I have ever seen.  Opposing sides are at such great odds that a civil debate on policies is impossible.  I want to be able to have conversations with people who feel differently than I do again.  I pray we can get back to that. I pray I can once again be proud to be an American.