Unfriended

So I realized I had been unfriended on Facebook by a “friend” last week.  It happened innocently.  My husband came home and told me this “friend” was moving back to town.  Then we both realized that it was a surprise to both of us.  It seemed like we would have seen it on Facebook.  I went to check for a post and that’s when I saw it…Add Friend.  Huh when had that happened?  Then my husband checked his relationship status with this once “mutual Friend” and saw the same thing.  What could we have possibly done to cause this “unfriending?”

This is the world we live in now.  How many of your social media friends are actually friends?  I for one know there are people who show up in my daily newsfeed that I honestly would not recognize if I ran into them at the grocery store.  I’m not even sure how we became “friends.”  My latest loss was someone I actually do know.  Here is the reality though.  There is an age difference of approximately 22 years.  We met each other through a mutual interest.  In another life (well let’s say twenty years ago before social media existed and people had real personal relationships) we would have been “friends” as long as the event that brought us together continued.  Afterwards we would have gone our separate ways and had we run into each other we would have hugged (maybe) and exchanged pleasantries about what we had each been up to and then once again gone our separate ways.  There would not have been any long term “friendship.”  So then why do I take it so personally when I learn I’ve been dropped from someone’s friends’ list?  Am I really not worthy of an occasional blip on your computer screen?  I find myself questioning any post I’ve ever made and any post I’ve ever liked.  What could I possibly have done to offend you so?

My husband and I are both very careful about what we post on social media.  We stay away from political and religious posts, though I’m contemplating losing that filter and speaking my mind.  Guess I should expect that friends list to get much smaller.  I like diversity though and think that opinions that don’t agree with mine can be educational and even at times enlightening.  I guess not everyone is so open minded.  My husband thought maybe it was a glitch in the website that periodically cleans up your list for you.  He friend requested this individual so he could ask him why we were unfriended.  However once the request was approved he couldn’t bring himself to ask the question.  It seems kind of like the kid who gets accepted by the cool kids at school; you don’t question it, you just enjoy it as long as you can.  Me, I’m still stewing about what I possibly could have done to offend this individual.  Clearly it must be me, right?

This is one of the many times I think social media does not enhance our lives.  Why do I get so vested in the vacation adventures of someone I don’t really know? And yet I find myself checking my feed several times a day.  I don’t want to miss out on an important piece of information.  Plus you never know when you might run across the recipe that becomes dinner tonight or the important tip that suddenly makes shucking corn easy or keeps the wedding ring from being cut off your swollen, injured finger!

I remember when I first got onto social media.  I started with mySpace.  I’m not sure I ever really understood what I was supposed to do there.  It seems I had some friend requests from men who may have been looking to be more than friends.  I was just looking to expand my business’s online presence.  FaceBook was easy.  But then my daughters joined and they quickly had way more friends than I ever will.  Suddenly I realized that the number of friends I accrued online would somehow reflect upon my self worth as a human.  So friend away I did!  I am still woefully inadequate in numbers.  I have Instagram and Pinterest and Twitter and Snapchat.  That seems like enough for me.  I use most of them just to know what my children are up to.  Though there was the one night that I sent out numerous annoying snapchats not realizing that a story goes to everyone on your friends’ list.  I thought I was just being silly for my girls.  Well that was a little embarrassing.  I’m still surprised I didn’t get dropped from people’s lists then!

I don’t claim to really understand twitter.  I tweet once in a blue moon.  I just want to like someone’s tweet but can’t quite figure that out. Twitter seems to be the place that gets people in trouble.  We’ve all heard about the celebrity who receives a backlash from a tweet.  Maybe tweets are just too easy to say something you shouldn’t.  I get frustrated reading passive aggressive tweets from teenagers. Everyone always knows who the target is for those tweets and so the drama grows.

For all the negatives I seem to be throwing out I can’t deny that social media is also a blessing in our lives.  Once again I will mention the recipes.  I’m not sure how I ever lived without Pinterest!  It is a joy to receive so many good wishes on my birthday.  And when I have posted sad news the outpouring of support from the social media community has made it so much easier to get through the bad times.  It is a reminder that people do care.  And I think that is why it hurts so much when I am let go from a friends’ list.  I really do care about the people on my newsfeed.  I am happy I can celebrate their successes with them and I am glad I can be there to help lift them up in trying times.

There is a theory that we are more likely to do the right thing when we know someone is watching us.  My example is meeting my daily fitbit step goal.  Before I had a friends list I didn’t worry too much if I failed to meet my goal.  As I added friends my competitive nature took hold.   When I realized there were some people I would never beat my goal was to at least not to come in last!  Having fitbit friends keeps me wearing my tracker and keeps me motivated to do better.

I think social media friends help us to stay connected.  I miss the days of letter writing.  Nothing will ever take the place of waiting for the mailman to arrive and finding a personal letter there and the joy of opening it and treasuring all that was written.  But social media gives us more connections than we used to have.  Following people’s lives gives us empathy and inspires us and at times opens our minds to new ideas and opinions.  So I caution you.  Think twice before you unfriend someone.  You don’t know what impact you may be having on their life.  I wonder if our media outlets ever start to send alerts when someone drops you if it will make people less likely to just drop their friends.  One thing is for sure-social media is here to stay.  So get busy checking in and taking pictures of food; I might just find a new restaurant I need to try!